


Chandler's Quality

by TulipGirl



Category: Chanoey - Fandom, Friends (TV)
Genre: Coming Out, Explicit Sexual Content, Falling In Love, First Time, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Male Homosexuality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-16 07:02:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28702614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TulipGirl/pseuds/TulipGirl
Summary: This story takes place between Episodes 8 (The One Where Nana Dies Twice) and Episodes 15 (The One With The Stoned Guy). It is written in Chandler's POV using a first-person writing style. There is plenty of his typical angst and his feelings regarding his parents and his childhood. I have incorporated script sections from the actual shows but occasionally I have tweaked these to add extra information or a slightly different intent from the characters.
Relationships: Chandler Bing/Joey Tribbiani
Comments: 10
Kudos: 78





	1. Chapter 1

“Hey, gorgeous,” I say to Shelley who is in our work lunchroom. She looks at me sheepishly.  
“Hey. Look, I'm sorry about yesterday, I, um...” she says apologetically.  
“No, no … no, don't … don't worry about it. Believe me, apparently, other people have made the same mistake,” I reply quickly, trying to reassure her. 

Yesterday Shelley suggested I go on a date with a guy from her department, she thought I was gay. But I said I didn’t fancy guys and she was super embarrassed.  
Although, apparently most of my friends also thought the same thing when they met me. They say I have a ‘quality’, whatever that means. It’s really unnerved me for the past 24 hours.

“Oh! Okay! Phew!” Shelley replies obviously relieved.  
“So, uh... what do you think it is about me?” I ask her hopefully. I need to know what this quality is, the others were not much help.  
“I dunno, uh... you just have a … a ...” she trails off.  
“...Quality, right?” I finish for her and she nods, “Great,” I conclude. Not help here.  
“You know, it's a shame because you and Lowell would've made a great couple,” she says as she gathers her lunch stuff together.  
“Lowell? Financial Services' Lowell, that's who you saw me with?” I ask disbelievingly. 

That guy is such a dork. It would be like going out with someone like Ross. No way.

“What? He's cute!” she says, defending her matchmaking choice.  
“Well, yeah... he’s no Brian in Payroll...” I say. 

Where did that come from? Do I think Brian is cute? Huh, I think I might. What does that mean?

“Is Brian...?” Shelley asks me.  
“No! Uh, I don’t know! The point is, if you were gonna set me up with someone, I'd like to think you'd set me up with someone like him,” I say indignantly.

What am I saying? One moment I’m telling her I’m not gay … the next I’m telling her what sort of guy I’d be willing to turn for. 

“Well, I think Brian's a little out of your league,” she reasons in response to my apparently unreasonable expectation.  
“Excuse me? You don't think I could get a Brian? Because I could get a Brian. Believe you me,” I counter.

As I head back to my desk I find myself picturing Brian in my head, quite good looking, light sandy hair, good muscle tone because he works out a lot. What on Earth am I thinking about his looks for? 

__________

The remainder of the day is not very productive work-wise. It doesn’t matter, my job is not very difficult and I find that I can meet the necessary quotas and even exceed expectations without putting in too much effort. Makes the job quite boring though.  
I can’t stop thinking about this mysterious quality that I apparently exude. What if I actually am gay and don’t even know it? I mean my track record with women hasn’t been very good so far. Is it possible to be gay and not be aware of it? Surely not. But then again it’s not like I actually feel heterosexual either. Maybe I just have a low sex drive? I’m clearly a mess.

Leaving my office after work I walk past the newsstand near the subway entrance. On an impulse, I stop and look at the different magazines on offer. The adult magazines are on the top shelf above the cashier section.

“Can I help you?” the young guy says cheerfully.  
“Um … I’ll take that one,” I say quietly pointing at my selection. He turns to see what I am pointing to and smiles as he reaches for the magazine.  
“This issue is a good one … check out the story on page 15,” he says with a wink as he passes me the magazine in exchange for a $10 note.

Oh Geez. Is he flirting with me? He is too. Oh, God. What do I do? 

“Um, thanks … I will … keep the change,” I mumble and make a swift exit stuffing the magazine in my knapsack as I head down the stairs to the subway.

Just like me, avoid the situation at all costs. No wonder I’m single. I can’t talk to men or women.  
___________

Joey has a date that night, so I eat dinner with Monica and Rachel before heading home fairly early. They both ask me if I’m feeling alright but accept my excuse of just being tired.

Sitting on my bed I open my bag and take out the magazine. It’s simply titled, _Men_. I know of this particular magazine because my mother used to have a subscription, probably still does. She said it helped her write her erotic fiction. Much to my dismay. 

I flick through the first few pages. Quite a few photo spreads of muscly young guys in tight underwear, occasionally kissing each other, some are naked although not erect. Geez, it’s pretty full-on... I think to myself as I turn the pages. Suddenly I’m confronted with the centrefold. A photo of a young guy looking straight at the camera whilst also holding his dick in his hand. Granted it’s not hard, but still … I can’t stop looking at him … he sort of looks like … Joey. It’s not him of course, but there are similarities… like the dark hair and his smile. Oh fuck, I think I like this … 

I turn the magazine sideways to take in the full picture. Yep, he’s hot. Oh, God, I’m hard … from a photo of a naked guy. Great. I’m gay. Or at least very curious. Now what?

Just then I hear the apartment door open and voices in the living room. Joey and his date. Huh … that was a quick date, I think to myself as I look at the digital clock by my bed. It’s barely 8pm. Joey’s bedroom door closes and I can hear them collapse onto the bed. They are clearly about to have sex. Great! These walls are far too thin. Maybe I should leave, go see Monica and Rachel again. 

Huh … Joey’s being quite vocal tonight … usually, it’s the other way round. Wonder what she’s doing to him? OK, I know what she’s doing. Fuck me, his voice … that moaning …

I can’t resist. I’m hard anyway. I unbutton my pants and reach inside to grab my cock. 

“Oh, God … yeah … just like that,” Joey’s voice exclaims quite loudly from his bedroom.

I close my eyes and continue to massage my dick. I’m glad that his date obviously has her mouth full and is therefore not talking or moaning herself, it’s only Joey’s voice I can hear.

“Yeah, baby … oh God, yeah. Harder!” Joey cries out in a breathless desperate tone. 

My breathing has increased as well, my hand works furiously as I roll around on the bed. I’ve never done this before to the sounds of Joey’s exploits. It is actually really hot. Oh God … I quickly grasp a handful of tissues from the bedside table and manage to block the spray just in time. In the other room, Joey seems to still be going. I lay on the bed, pants still around my ankles, staring at the ceiling and listening to him as his voice and moaning become more and more desperate and then he climaxes.

I pick up my magazine again and open to page 15. I see that the article is titled: _10 top tips for coming out to your friends and family_. Geez, my ‘quality’ must have been in overdrive today … that newsstand guy had me pinned straight away. I read the article and try to ignore the sounds in the other room. They’re having sex now, and this time it’s her who is being vocal. That night I go to sleep very confused.  
__________

“Hey, Lowell,” I say from the sofa in the lunchroom the next day.  
“Hey, Chandler,” Lowell says turning his head towards me and smiling.  
“So how's it going there in Financial Services?” I say making awkward small talk.  
“It's like Mardi Gras without the paper mache heads. How about you?” He replies whilst fixing his coffee.  
“Good, good…” I say hopping up and approaching him, “Listen, I dunno what Shelley told you about me, but, uh... I'm not...” I say.  
I’ve decided that until I know for sure, I don’t want people around here thinking stuff.  
“I know. That's what I told her,” he said, but he looks a bit sceptical.  
“Really?” I ask. I’m not sure if he’s playing along with my obvious charade or being truthful.  
“Yeah.”  
“So … you can tell?  
“Pretty much … most of the time. We have a kind of ... radar,” he says with a sly smile. 

Radar? Really? So my quality is not so obvious? But what about everyone else? And that newsstand guy was definitely flirting with me. 

“So you don't think I have a … a quality?” I ask.  
“Speaking for my people, I'd have to say no,” he replies. 

I let out a breath that I didn’t realise I was holding, but I don’t know if I’m relieved or not. In fact, I’m actually more confused. 

“By the way, your friend Brian from Payroll, he is,” Lowell says almost as an afterthought.  
“He is?” I say … a bit too eagerly. Lowell, of course, picks up on my inflection and smiles.  
“Yup, and waaay out of your league,” he says as he leaves the lunchroom.

Hey! No Way! I think to myself as I realise what he’s saying.

“Out of my league? I could get a Brian,” I call out to him, but he’s gone so I just mutter to myself … “If I wanted to get a Brian, I could get a Brian … oh, hey, Brian,” I say as I turn around and notice Brian standing at the coffee stand looking confused. I make a run for it.

Chandler … you’re doing it again! I scold myself. You don’t even like Brian, not like that … 

No, the guy I think I fancy is actually much hotter than Brian.


	2. Chapter 2

“Alright, somebody kiss me. Somebody kiss me! It's midnight! Somebody kiss me!” I beg.

I’m jumping around like a right royal idiot, quite a bit drunk, and feeling very sorry for myself after the disaster of this New Year’s Eve party, what with Janice and all … Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe are all distracted with their own dilemmas. They look at me as if they have no intention of kissing anyone … let alone me. The only one who responds to my pathetic demands is Joey.

“Alright, alright, alright,” he says and grabs my face to hold me still whilst planting his lips against mine. 

He’s kissing me! Joey is kissing me! Oh, God. Should I kiss him back? I want to kiss him… He smells amazing and his lips are so soft. Oh Geez … I’m hard. Fuck! Now, what do I do? It’s all over in two seconds, hardly a passionate embrace, just a simple peck. Ross managed to take a photo though. I hate to think what the expression on my face will be in that memento.

The mood at the party changes after midnight. Everyone is tired. Even Monica doesn’t look like she’s got the energy to clean tonight. I’m able to make a discreet exit after five minutes of awkward shuffling around in the kitchen pretending to help wash some dishes. I hurriedly go to our apartment, hoping no one follows me. I’m unbuckling my pants even before I reach my bedroom. Fuck! I’ve never been this aroused before … ever. Jesus.

I grab my magazine and roughly open it to the centrefold. The dark-haired guy who looks like Joey. My hand is already on my cock, frantically stroking up and down. My breathing is extremely rapid. My legs are feeling weak, I steady myself by placing my other hand up against the wall. 

Oh, God! He kissed me! His lips were actually on mine. His lips. A man’s lips. If I had any lingering doubts about my sexuality this has definitely put an end to them. I’m gay. And I really, really want Joey to kiss me again.

Waves of pleasure are building up inside of me. I’m so close. My hand is starting to cramp but I don’t care. 

Those brown eyes. His thick wavy hair. That cologne. His self-assured personality. His smile. Oh God … I’m … I’m …

I literally explode out across my bed, and I don’t care about the mess. I collapse forward onto the mattress, my weak knees no longer able to support me. My breathing is so rapid I think I’m hyperventilating, I can feel my heart thumping away. That was really something. I can’t go on like this. I either have to tell him or I’ll have to move out. I can’t keep doing this all the time. I’ll go insane.


	3. Chapter 3

To cap off a very confusing and difficult two months, my Mom decides she’s coming to New York in early January. Typical of her style she doesn’t actually tell me this, the first I hear about it is via the TV while we’re all watching an interview of hers.  
The dinner actually goes quite well. Which is a relief. My Mom appears to be on her best behaviour and is quite nice to all my friends. I actually find myself relaxing a bit and enjoying her company.   
___________

“… I can't do this, I did it, it was me, I'm sorry, I kissed your Mom,” Ross said to me in his stupid bumbling apologetic manner.

I’m sitting in the armchair in my apartment looking up at Ross who is standing in front of me. He’s just finished telling me some bullshit story about Paolo, Rachel’s Italian beau, kissing my Mom and now he’s suddenly changed his tune. 

“What?” I ask incredulously, anger boiling up inside of me.   
“I was really upset about Rachel and Paolo, and I think I had too much tequila, and Nora … um, Mrs. Mom … your Bing … was just being nice, you know, and … But nothing happened, nothing … Ask Joey, Joey, uh, came in …” Ross babbles pathetically.  
“You knew about this?” I turn to ask Joey. 

That hurts more than what I just heard from Ross.

“Uh... you know, knowledge is a tricky thing,” Joey mumbles, glaring at Ross.  
“I spent the entire day with you, why didn't you tell me?!” I yell. I’m standing up now.

I haven’t felt this angry in ages. I don’t usually get angry. Annoyed maybe, but anger is rare. 

“Hey, hey, hey, you're lucky I caught them when I did, or else who knows what would of happened,” Joey said defensively.  
“Thanks, man, big help,” Ross snaps at Joey.  
“I can't believe this! What the hell were you thinking?” I yell at Ross.  
“I wasn't … I mean, I …” he splutters.  
“You know, of all my friends, no one knows the crap I go through with my Mom more than you,” I yell at him. I’m right up in his face now. He looks scared. I’m not normally scary.  
“I know …” he said trailing off.  
“I can't believe you did this,” I mutter as I walk towards the door. I have to get out of here.  
“Chandler …” Ross calls after me.  
“Me neither,” Joey says at Ross before turning towards me … “You know what …” but I cut him off.  
“I'm still mad at you for not telling me,” I yell at him whilst yanking the door open.  
“What are you mad at me for?!” Joey asks even though I just told him.   
“Chandler …” Ross says again obviously trying to reason with me.  
“You gotta let me slam the door!” I yell back before slamming the door behind me.

I have no idea where I’m going. Monica and Rachel aren’t home, so their place is out. Not that I want to go there anyway. I head for the stairs. I’m pretty sure I can hear Joey shouting behind me but I don’t stop to listen. I almost run down the stairs and head out the main door into the street. Oh God … It’s freezing! Well, it is January. Of course, I didn’t think to bring my jacket. I walk huffily along Grove Street, towards Bleecker, with no real destination in mind. 

“Chandler! … Hey wait up will you?” Joey calls out behind me. He’s running but manages to catch up to me fairly easily.  
“I need some space Joe …” I say to him as he falls in pace beside me.  
“Look … I just wanted to say that I told Ross from the start that he had to tell you. I told him it wasn’t cool. The only reason I didn’t say anything to you was because he said he was going to tell you. Otherwise, I would definitely have told you,” he explained.

His reasoning actually sounds plausible. I look over at him. He looks so worried. I can’t stay angry at him. I mean it’s Joey.

“Fine … I know it’s not your fault. But I’m still angry … at Ross,” I say.  
“So you should be … he can be a bit of a dick sometimes,” Joey agrees with me.  
“Yeah,” Ross and I have been friends the longest, but he can be a bit pretentious and self-absorbed sometimes.  
“So where are you going?” Joey asks as we walk along.  
“I have absolutely no idea,” I reply honestly.  
“It’s a bit cold…” Joey says.  
“I know.”   
“Let’s go in here …” Joey suggests indicating a small hole-in-the-wall bar.  
“OK,” I agree. Joey opens the door and actually holds it open for me.

The place is tiny. A long bar takes up most of the floor space, there are ten stools placed along it. Directly across from the bar there are three small booths, they are really only big enough for two people, four people would be quite a squeeze. The place is virtually empty, apart from the bartender there is only one other patron, an old guy sitting at the end stool. He looks like he’s been there for a while.

We take one of the booths and order our drinks, two beers, from the bartender. He brings them over and then goes back to polishing glasses and ignores us.

“I was quite impressed by the way you yelled at Ross,” Joey said after taking a mouthful.  
“Yeah, I’m not really sure where that came from … I surprised myself actually,” I told him.  
“He deserved it … I mean … your Mom? That’s not cool,” Joey replied.  
“No, it’s not … especially as he knows all about my history with her …” I say trailing off.  
“Do you want to tell me about it? You know the issues with your Mom …” Joey asks. 

Joey and I haven’t really talked about this stuff before. I prefer to repress most of my childhood. I’ll just occasionally tell him or the whole group little snippets about how she was a very unusual mother.

“Not really …” I start to say before changing my mind … “I mean … she’s not all that bad, I do love her and all … it’s just that she was responsible for me being bullied in school. Those books of hers…” I babble.

I shudder at the memory of how the guys in my school used to pass around copies of the books and quote me passages as we were getting changed for gym class. They even used to act out the scenes in overdramatic ways for my ‘benefit’. It went on for years. 

“You know that TV interview the other night? How she said she bought my first condoms?” I ask Joey. He nods but doesn’t say anything.   
“Well what she failed to mention was that I was 12 at the time, and she bought them in front of a whole heap of my friends and she also bought a packet for herself and told all the guys how she had a hot date that night,” I continue. 

Geez … this is turning into a real confessional. I haven’t talked about this stuff in ages … not since Freshman year in college when I told Ross while we were drunk. 

“ … and their divorce was really messy, because of my Dad and his … choices,” I mutter.  
“Your Dad? What happened with him?” Joey asks. I knew he would.  
“He’s gay … or a transexual or transvestite or something like that, I don’t know which … and he’s a drunk. He left us to live in Las Vegas and dance in a burlesque dance troop called ‘Viva Las Gaygas,” I say softly, staring down at my beer. 

Slowly I look up at Joey. He looks a bit shocked, but to his credit, he recovers quickly. He reaches across the table and actually takes my hand. He’s never done that before. A shiver runs done my spine and I hope he doesn’t notice. I suppose I can just blame it on the cold.

“Chandler … none of that is your fault. Parents can be a pain sometimes,” he reasons.   
“Yours aren’t,” I retort. 

Joey’s family seems perfect. Happily married. Seven children. I wish I’d grown up in a family like that. 

He shrugs. 

“They had their issues … they used to fight a lot. But it seemed to get better a few years ago … Dad calmed down and Mom’s happier now,” Joey told me. I nodded.

I guess outward appearances aren’t all that they seem.

I look at Joey, I contemplate confessing my feelings to him. This seems like a good time. We’re alone, I’ve just told him a whole heap of other personal stuff. 

“Hey Joe …” I start. He was trying to get the bartenders attention so he wasn’t looking at me. He turns to face me though when I call his name.  
“Yeah?” he replies casually.

I open my mouth to try and say something, anything, but I can’t find the words. I close my mouth again. I’m such a chicken.

“What’s up?” Joey asked me gently.  
“Nothing … let’s get drunk. I really need to forget about the mental image of Ross and my Mom,” I say completely chickening out.


	4. Chapter 4

I’d forgotten that Joey’s Dad was coming to stay with us. He’d mentioned it over breakfast a week ago but I’d gotten distracted by a big presentation at work and it had completely escaped my memory. Not that it was a problem. Joey said he’d give his Dad his room and that he’d sleep on the fold-out bed in the living room. So no real inconvenience to me. 

The day before I’d accidentally seen Rachel half-naked. She was still angry at me. Odd really seeing as I couldn’t have cared less about her boobies. They really did nothing for me. Which further cemented the realisation that I am gay. 

I mean Rachel is very good looking. Hot even. And nice. Nothing like Janice or some of the other women I have dated or seen naked. If I can’t even get excited about seeing her half-naked then I must surely be gay. Especially seeing as though I now get semi-aroused every time I see Joey walking around in a towel after having a shower.

We were all at Central Perk that morning before heading to work. Phoebe’s new fella Roger was there also. He managed to unnerve me a bit with his psychoanalysis. Apparently, I have text-book intimacy issues owing to my parent’s divorce before I hit puberty and that’s why I resort to humour as a defence mechanism or something like that. If I hadn’t just spent the last three months questioning my sexuality I probably would have brushed off his comments. But this time they really irritated me. I decided I hated that guy.

At work that day, all I could think about was my supposed problems with intimacy. As much as Roger annoyed me, he was right. My track record with dating has been abysmal and now that I think I might be gay … OK … now that I know I’m gay it hasn’t gotten any easier. In fact, I’m even more clueless as to how I’m supposed to approach the situation. Do I just ask a guy out? Who? Not Lowell … that’s for sure. And probably not Brian. But who else? The newsstand guy? Surely not. Joey? No way … he’s straighter than an arrow.

When I get home I’m confronted by Joey and his Dad arguing in the kitchen. It seems his Dad has a mistress and Joey has just found out. Awkward. To escape I go over to Monica and Rachel’s. Joey comes over later, without his Dad. 

When we’re heading back to our apartment for dinner we run into Ronni, his Dad’s mistress. Joey is not happy. Now she’s staying with us as well, in my room. That means Joey and I are sleeping on the pull-out bed. Great. I am now expected to lay in a very small bed with a guy who has managed to turn me on for the past few months just by the sound of his sex noises and his half-naked swagger.

“Hey, Kicky. What're you doing?” I ask after lying awake for twenty minutes waiting for Joey to settle down and finally go to sleep.   
“Just trying to get comfortable. I can't sleep in my underwear,” he replied. 

Oh God … Joey without underwear. There’s a hot thought. Quick better say something which hides what I’m thinking.

“Well, you're gonna,” I retort rather cleverly. 

He doesn’t seem to notice my inner turmoil. He’s clearly distracted by something more complicated than his current bed attire. Phew.

“I've been thinking. You know, about how I'm always seeing girls on top of girls...” He says.

What on Earth is he talking about? Yeah, I’ve noticed his virtual parade of women, what of it? Hey, I’ve just thought of the best retort …

“Are they end to end, or tall like pancakes?” 

What is wrong with me? He’s my best friend and I’m cracking jokes at his expense. Hiding behind humour again. I really am a text-book case.

“You know what I mean, about how I'm always going out with all these women. And I always figured, when the right one comes along, I'd be able to be a stand-up guy and go the distance, you know? Now I'm looking at my dad, thinking ..” Joey confided. 

He’s really worried about this situation with his Dad. Yeah, I suppose it would be a bit of a shock to find out the supposedly happy marriage of your parents was actually a lie. I can sympathise with that. Although it’s a bit easier to find out at 25 rather than 9.

“Hey, you're not him. You're you. When they were all over you to go into your father's pipe-fitting business, did you cave?” I asked gently. Joey reflects upon this for a moment.  
“No,” he replies softly.  
“No. You decided to go into the out-of-work actor business. Now that wasn't easy, but you did it! And I'd like to believe that when the right woman comes along, you will have the courage and the guts to say … 'No thanks, I'm married'.” I soothed. 

I do truly believe that. Joey is a good guy underneath, despite all the women he dates. I’ve never known him to cheat on a girl … not that he goes out with any of them for long.

“You really think so?” he asks. I detect a hint of relief and gratitude in his voice.  
“Yeah. I really do,” I reply honestly.  
“Thanks, Chandler,” he says snuggling up to me with a smile on his face.   
“Get off!” I exclaim pushing him away a bit. 

This is getting a bit too close for my liking. I can’t have Joey snuggle up to me, in a bed of all places, or he’ll notice that I’m half hard. I roll over and lay on my side, facing away from Joey. But there is no way I’m going to sleep anytime soon.

“Hey Joe?”  
“Yeah?” Joey replies in a sleepy voice.  
“Speaking of Dad’s, do you think I might one day end up like mine?” 

This is my single biggest fear in life. That I will end up resembling him (her?) in some way. It’s probably the reason I have intimacy issues and why I’m so repressed about being gay.

“What? An alcoholic, transexual, show-girl from Vegas? … no Chandler I don’t think so,” Joey replied confidently.   
“Are you sure? I mean everyone says I have a ‘quality’ and that I’m probably gay. I don’t even know myself anymore,” I said almost whispering. 

I can’t believe I just said that out loud. I bite my lip waiting for him to respond. Thankfully, I don’t have to wait long.

“There’s a big difference between being gay and all the stuff your father has become,” Joey said wisely. When did he become so smart?   
“Yeah, I guess. Boy, that Roger guy really has me on edge about myself. His psychoanalysis of me was pretty spot on,” I responded.  
“Chandler? Do you think you might be gay?” Joey asked gently. 

I gulped. Here it was. The moment of truth.

“Maybe,” I whisper. 

Hey, it actually felt good to say that. Was that one of the steps from that article? 

“Chandler, it’s OK … that stuff really doesn’t bother me,” Joey replied gently. 

He is now laying directly behind me, almost spooning me. I can feel his breath on the back of my neck. I can smell his cologne, Hombre, the free stuff from his job at the department store. It smells really good. 

“Well it bothers me a bit …” I replied defensively.   
“So I take it you haven’t done anything with a guy before?” he asked suddenly.   
“No … of course not. I’m in active denial, can’t you tell?” I retort sarcastically.  
“OK, it’s just that … I was going to suggest that we could …” he trailed off mysteriously.  
“We could what?” I ventured. 

Do I really want to know? Do I want to go down that path with Joey? He’s my best friend. And he is as straight as they come … isn’t he? But, fuck he’s hot … 

“You know … fool around a bit. It might do you good … you know, relieve some tension.”

Oh, God. Joey just suggested we fool around. What does that even mean? Bloody hell, what am I supposed to say … what am I supposed to do?

“Ah … um … I … tension?” I mumbled. 

Of all the words I could choose to articulate, I choose to focus on tension? Not ‘yes please’, ‘thank you’, or even ‘OK’. What is wrong with me? 

“Yes Chandler, you are extremely tense … and confused … you ought to know, you told me what that Roger guy said about your … intimacy issues, and how you thought he was right,” Joey surmised. Again he sounded so astute. Not like Joey at all.   
“And your answer to that is to … fool around? What does that even mean?” I asked.  
“Do you want me to show you?” he asked. 

I turn my head to look at him. He’s propped up on his side facing me. The sheet is only half-covering his body. Oh God … he’s so hot.

“Okay …” I say very nervously and without moving a muscle.

He smiles and wriggles in closer to my body, now he is spooning me. I turn my head back so it’s facing forward. My body really is tense now, my heart is racing. 

“I’m going to touch you now … is that OK?” he whispers gently in my ear. 

Fuck! His breath on my neck and the sound of his voice is the single most sexy things I have ever experienced. I’m already rock hard even though he hasn’t touched me yet. 

“Ok,” I murmur back. I’m almost paralysed with anticipation. 

I close my eyes and concentrate on the smell of his cologne and also on my own breathing. Trying to relax a bit. Is that his hand? On my leg? It is …

He runs his fingers up my thigh, slowly. My breath quickens automatically. The lightness of his touch is very sensual. I shiver appreciatively. I would usually feel ticklish at such an experience, but this feels so different. It feels good. His hand has reached my boxers now. I gasp as he uses two fingers to trace the outline of my cock through the material. The feeling of a hand lightly teasing my dick, especially Joey’s hand, sends waves of pleasure through my body. I shudder. Slowly he eases the waistband down, releasing my cock from the constraints of the underwear. I wriggle a bit and help him to slide them down fully before kicking them off.

His hand is back again. Repeating the same movement as before. Running slowly up my thigh. Circling around my buttocks, which I clench reflexively. Then around to the front. He’s holding one of my testicles now, rolling it gently between his thumb and two fingers. That feels amazing! I let out a deep groan of appreciation. Gently he shifts his hand to grip my dick and he slowly begins to move his hand. 

“Oh God! … Joey! … Oh Yeah!” I exclaim, unable to stop myself.  
“Sssh,” he whispers in my ear, then … “You like that?” he asks rather unnecessarily.  
“Uh-huh,” I mumble burying my face in the pillow to muffle my enthusiasm. 

My hips are bucking in rhythm with his movements. His body is also moving along with mine because we’re laying so closely together. I can feel him pressed against my buttocks. He’s definitely hard! This is not just about relieving my tension. He’s also turned on. Fuck. What does that mean? Does he want me to touch him? Oh, God.

He has increased his stroke rate now. Timing it perfectly with my increased hip thrusts. His mouth is so close to my ear that I can feel his breath against the side of my face. Then he leans forward and nibbles my earlobe. It’s such a gentle, loving gesture that it takes me completely by surprise. 

I thought he was just helping me relieve my tension, a straight guy doing his poor confused mate a favour. Now I’m not sure. He also seems to be really into this. Or he’s a really good actor. Nah! His acting isn’t that good.

My arm extends behind me, resting against Joey’s leg which is pressed up against mine. Gingerly I repeat his thigh gesture, wanting to reciprocate this feeling. Amazingly he lets me. My hand gets as far as his underwear, which he still has on. I can’t bend my arm around enough to do anything, so I just gently stroke the base of his cock through the material. 

He groans appreciatively but does not stop his rhythmic hand movements or the gentle hip rocking that we have going on. Thank God this pull-out bed doesn’t squeak or we’d be in real trouble right about now.  
This is without a doubt much better than any of my experiences with women. There is something about his masculine smell, his heavy breathing, the feeling of his stubble on my neck. And he knows exactly how to handle a cock. Has he practised on anyone other than himself? Who knows? Who cares? All I know is this is wonderful. 

Just when I think it can’t get any better I feel something else. Joey has manoeuvred his other hand so that it has access to my buttocks. What is he doing? Oh, God! He’s going to … Oh God … Oh … Oh … I’m going to cum! Now! My balls contract in anticipation. Joey seems to sense it, he quickens his pace just a little bit.

“Oh … God … Ah … Aaahhh!” I exclaim into the pillow. Completely losing control. My body convulses involuntarily, my skin shivers with heightened sensitivity, and I cum. Hard. Fast. 

That was the best fucking climax of my life. I feel dizzy. I’ve never felt dizzy before. Not even after New Year’s. Geez. What have I been doing all these years? Where has Joey been all my life? Oh, God! I sigh as my body finally stops convulsing. 

“Was that good?” Joey whispers in my ear seductively.  
“Uh-huh,” I reply, still unable to formulate entire words. I’m still breathing rapidly.

Joey releases my cock which has started to relax, he turns away from me slightly. I immediately miss the closeness of his embrace. I use the sheet to clean my chest. Then I roll over to face him.

“Jesus Joey, I had no idea you were capable of … of that,” I say still a bit dumbfounded.  
“It’s not that difficult,” Not unlike playing with myself. He said casually.   
“Well, thank you,” I reply.   
“Did it help … with the tension and the … confusion?” he asked hopefully.  
“Yeah … I think it has,” I confess willingly.   
“I’m happy for you Chandler,” he says gently. Suddenly I remember something.  
“What about you?” I ask him.  
“Me?” he asked a bit confused.  
“Yeah … I know you were hard,” I reply.  
“Yeah, well … it’s a bit difficult not to be, we were quite close and you kept making all those sex noises,” he explained.  
“Do you want me to … you know?” I ask.

I have absolutely no idea what I am suggesting. But for some reason, it seems like the right thing to say. He looks at me for a moment, he appears to be considering it.

“What did you have in mind?” he asked. 

That wasn’t a no. Oh God, that wasn’t a no. What do I have in mind? Oh, fuck me. Me and my big mouth… OK, I can do this…

“This …” I say and move my head down towards his waist pushing his underwear down at the same time.

I can’t believe I was telling him to keep his underwear on just an hour ago. Now, look at us. His dick is bigger than mine, but not by much. And I notice he keeps his hair well-trimmed. I am definitely going to shave tomorrow. I clasp his cock in my hand and lean forward to gently lick the end of it. Well, that’s not too bad. He feels warm and tastes a bit salty, is that from sweat or pre-cum? Oh, who cares. He reaches down and runs his hands through my hair. I can’t see his face from this angle, but I’m pretty sure he’s looking at me.

I open my mouth to take his cock inside completely. I thought I might choke but I don’t. I tighten my lips around his shaft and slowly move my head up and down whilst also swirling my tongue around his length. God, I hope I’m doing it right. Is there a right way? The few times it’s happened to me it has felt really good. There is something about having a mouth around your cock. I hope it’s the same when a guy is behind the mouth. 

“Oh God … Chandler … Oh fuck me!” Joey exclaims whilst also reaching for the pillow so he can muffle his enthusiasm. I really hope his Dad and Ronni are heavy sleepers.

Well, I guess that is a fairly positive affirmation that I’m doing it right. Encouraged by his enthusiasm I take his dick even deeper, almost the entire length. He wriggles his hips around in a manic motion and I think he’s yelling my name into the pillow. It’s hard to tell. Suddenly his voice is clearer. 

“Chandler … now,” he says. 

I get a microsecond warning before his hips thrust violently upwards and his dick is thrust even further into my mouth. His shouts are muffled by the pillow but I can still hear him. I feel his release hit the back of my throat, automatically I swallow and it’s gone.

“Sorry about that … are you OK? You look kind of weird,” Joey observed.   
“Yeah, I’m OK. Just getting used to the taste.” I say wiping my mouth with my hand.  
“Yeah sorry … I got a bit carried away. You’re pretty good at that,” he said appreciatively. 

Wow. He said I was good at it. Chandler Bing … good at blow jobs. Who’d have thought? OK, well lots of people probably thought it. Well, it doesn’t matter, I’m pretty chuffed.

“It’s OK. It was easier than I thought,” I say honestly.  
“Well, maybe I can do it for you some time…”

What does that mean? OK, I know what it means. But what does it mean? Are we an item now? Friends with benefits? Or is he just helping me out through my … my … confusion?

“But … you’re not gay … are you?”

He shrugs. 

“Eh … it’s all sex. I can’t say I lust after guys as a general rule and I can’t say I’m giving up women for good … but I kind of liked this … with you…” he said. 

Oh. My. God. He kind of liked it … with me. So, I’m gay, I think that’s been established. And my best friend is willing to do stuff with me even though he’s not gay. I must be dreaming.   
I snuggle down into the bed alongside Joey. He reaches around and cuddles me. We’re snuggling. I don’t usually like to snuggle. But this is different.


	5. Chapter 5

Joey’s Dad and Ronni leave the next morning. Although not before Monica manages to sneak a peek at Mr. Tribbiani in the shower. That was pretty funny. 

Joey and I started a foosball tournament after they left. Joey was winning … of course.

“Hey, so I have a date Monday night … and I was wondering, how about you come with me?” Joey asks casually as if he’s asking me if I want a beer.

I’m so shocked that I completely miss a key defence and Joey manages to score … again.

“Um, no … why would you even ask me that?” I mutter.  
“Well she kind of has this friend … and she only agreed to go out with me if I brought someone for this friend.”  
“You want me, the guy who you jerked off in bed last night, to accompany you on a double date and look after her poor pathetic friend while you hook up with some hot chick?” 

Joey appears to be thinking about that. You can almost see the wheels turning in his head. 

“Yeah,” he nods eventually.  
“Hhmmm,” is all I can think to say.  
“Look Chandler … Last night was fun, and I’m not saying we won’t do it again. But you have to at least see if you’re really gay or not. I mean you might be bi, and still fancy women. Come with us … if you don’t hit it off with this girl then I’ll never set you up again … or at least not with women,” Joey said.  
“Okay … I guess …” I reply not at all sure.

The rest of the weekend was pretty slow. Although Joey’s Mom did turn up on Sunday. I was out at the grocery store but I heard all about it later. Apparently, she’s known about his Dad’s mistress for quite some time and doesn’t care. That certainly threw Joey out of balance. Valentine’s Day was also fast approaching, much faster than I wanted. On Monday morning, the day before that dreaded day of love, everyone met at the Central Perk for a coffee before work. Of course, the main topic was who had or did not have a date for the big night. Ross was blathering about some girl and an egg. Phoebe was talking about Roger even though she had dumped him the day before after everyone said how much they hated him. 

“What are you guys doing tomorrow tonight?” Rachel asked Joey.   
“Actually, tomorrow night kind of depends on how tonight goes …” Joey said, sitting down on the end of the sofa near the chair where I am sitting. He’s looking at me expectantly.  
“Oh, uh, listen, about tonight...” I mumble. 

I’ve decided I can’t do this … it’s stupid … how can I go out on a date, with Joey and two women, when all I want to do is kiss him and do stuff with him. 

“No, no, no, don't you dare bail on me. The only reason she's goin' out with me is because I said I could bring a friend for her friend.”  
“Yes, I know, but her friend sounds like such a …”   
“Pathetic mess? I know, but … come on, man, she's needy, she's vulnerable. I'm thinkin', cha-ching!”

At that chauvinistic comment, Rachel throws a bread roll at Joey. He simply picks it up and eats it. Typical Joey.

“Thanks,” he says to her before turning back to me ... “Look, you have not been out with a woman since Janice. You're doin' this,” he commands. 

Fine. Just this one time. I nod but don’t say anything. We’re interrupted by Ross who has managed, against the odds, to get the egg woman to go out with him tomorrow. That’s cause for some sort of celebration. I stand up and hug him. That was a mistake. The egg is now broken and running down my pant legs. Great … I’ll have to change before work. I bid everyone good bye and rush back to the apartment. I’m in my room in the middle of changing my pants when Joey comes in.

“Hey … look man I’m really sorry about this date thing. But if you do this for me I’ll make it up to you,” he says approaching me slowly.   
“It’s OK, I think I can manage one little date,” I say grabbing my clean pants from the closet.

He’s standing right in front of me now. Despite my preoccupation with getting dressed and also knowing that I’m going to be late for work, I feel myself start to get hard.

“Look Joe … as much as I want to … I’m going to be late.”  
“Tell them you had an appointment,” he says and then he is kissing me, passionately.

Oh, God! What is this guy doing to me? Does he want me or other women? Oh, who cares … he’s a really good kisser. I return the kiss … eagerly. After a few minutes, Joey breaks away and immediately kneels down on the floor in front of me. Of course, I’m hard. My cock is straining against my underwear, begging to be released. With a very smooth motion, Joey takes it in his hand and then into his mouth. 

Oh, fuck me! Yes! This is amazing! His tongue is rolling around my shaft in a spiral motion that is also travelling up and down. His lips are tightly pressed against the sensitive skin. His mouth feels so warm. 

“Jesus! Joey … oh … yeah,” I exclaim, not worried about the volume of my voice this time. 

My legs are starting to feel weak. Must not collapse. Must not collapse. I coach myself. Oh God, he’s got my balls now. Using one hand to gently massage my balls whilst continuing with his oral technique he glances upward at me to see if I’m enjoying it. Our eyes meet and I smile at him before closing my eyes to continue my enjoyment of the moment. I run my hands through his hair and help guide his head towards my hips in a rhythmic motion.

Suddenly his hand is pressing against my perineum and inching backwards ... Oh God … he’s going to do it again. That’ll be the end of me for sure…

Sure enough, as soon as his fingers circle my entry and gently probe their way inwards I am gone. Without any warning, my balls contract and I’m spurting my load deep into his mouth. Once, twice, Jesus, a third time. How much of this stuff do I have? I’ve never cum this hard.

I do semi-collapse at that point. Joey quickly stands up and catches me. 

“Are you OK?” he asked me gently.  
“Yeah … at least I will be in a minute … I think … that thing you do, what is that?” I reply. My legs are still quivering.   
“You like that? I learnt that back in high school … Annie McKenzie used to do it to me under the bleachers at the football games,” he proudly told me.

I’m dumbfounded. His sexual history in high school alone beat my entire experience to date. I didn’t even lose my virginity until senior year of college, and that wasn’t even memorable.

“Well, I’ll have to write and thank her,” I said jokingly as I manage to stand up and without assistance.  
“That’s good, I’m glad you like it … now for God’s sake get your pants on and go to work … you’re late!” Joey reprimands in a mock bossy tone. I smile. 

Who cares if I’m late? That was the best thing ever.


	6. Chapter 6

Needless to say, I don’t accomplish much at work that day. Far too much on my mind. Between reminiscing about our little encounter that morning and stressing about our stupid double date. I daydream my way through a meeting, luckily I wasn’t required to contribute much and I’d already prepared my report last week. I then sat at my desk trying to study columns of data and statistics and apply calculations and adjustments but it was useless. 

No one had noticed that I was even late. Not because I blend into the background or am just an anonymous worker drone but because I have a good track record for punctuality and high-quality work output. They all assumed I had a meeting or other work-related reason for not being there. I hadn’t ended up being that late anyway, 20 minutes … nothing really. 

5 o’clock eventually came around and I began to pack up my stuff. Usually, I like knock-off time but not tonight. I walked as slow as possible to the subway and then as slowly as possible up the stairs at our apartment building. Joey was waiting for me when I arrived. He was all dressed up and ready to go.

“C’mon,” he said ushering me in the door ... “Get changed, we’re going to be late.”

I begrudgingly complied. No last-minute blow-jobs this time. I didn’t think the night could get any worse, but I was wrong. So terribly, terribly wrong.   
_____________  
“Ok, I'm making a break for it, I'm going out the window,” I say looking at myself in the mirror. 

We’re in the men’s room of the restaurant. Exactly 15 minutes into the date from hell. Because the mystery woman that Joey’s date brought with her turned out to be none other than Janice, my twice ex-girlfriend and the single most annoying person on the planet.

“No, no, no, don't! I've been waiting for like, forever to go out with Lorraine. Just calm down,” Joey said hurriedly, poking his head out from the toilet cubicle.   
“Calm down? Calm down? You set me up with the woman that I've dumped twice in the last five months!” I yell in desperation.   
“Can you stop yelling? You're makin' me nervous, and I can't go when I'm nervous.”

I can’t believe him. Surely he knows how hard this for me. I mean the guy reckons I should test the waters one last time to see if I’m truly gay or not and Janice is the woman he finds? Of all the millions of women in New York, what are the bloody chances?  
I walk over to where he is standing, trying to pee.

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you're right,” I say reassuringly whilst also leaning in quite close.  
“Come on, do it, do it, go, come on!!!” I shout in his ear. Now that felt good.

The rest of the date was terrible. Joey actually bailed on me. To go get slathered in chocolate mousse or something. He left me with his credit card though. Which I thought was a good thing until it came time to pay, and the card declined. Seems he only just had enough money on it to cover the meals, not all the extra bits and pieces that Janice and I ended up ordering, like two bottles of champagne. 

I did the gentlemanly thing and walk Janice towards her apartment, which isn’t far from mine. I’m fairly pissed at this stage. A whole bottle of champagne will do that. When we reach her place she kisses me. She’s not a bad kisser, I will give her that. And at least she doesn’t talk or laugh when she’s kissing.

“Hey Chandler, my babysitter is paid up all night, I don’t have to go home …” she said seductively. 

Drunk me actually considers this. I mean … what if I am actually bisexual? Plus I want to get revenge on Joey. 

“Do you want to come back to my place?” I hear myself saying.   
“Sure,” she says taking my hand as we continue walking up the street towards my building.   
_____________

The next morning I wake up with a splitting headache. I groggily open my eyes. I’m aware that someone else is in the bed with me. Did Joey come home and hop into my bed? Surely not. He was getting slathered in mousse. Plus this person smells like Chanel, not Hombre. 

“Happy Valentine’s Day!” Janice exclaims in that excruciating voice. 

I feel my balls clench and not in a good way. That voice, it’s enough to turn any guy gay. Oh God … what did I do? Did I do anything? I can’t remember. Oh, hang on … yeah I remember. I did stuff. We did stuff. Or at least she did stuff to me … I think. My head!

Thankfully, Janice has to leave fairly early so she can relieve her baby sitter. Not so thankfully we run into Monica in the hall which quickly ends up being a bloody reunion. Then Joey arrives home, with a self-satisfied smile on his face. I pull him inside the apartment as soon as I manage to get rid of Janice and the others go back to their apartment. 

“Never, ever, again. I’m done with women,” I exclaim as soon as our door closes.  
“So … I guess you’re coming out then?” Joey says taking off his coat and parking himself on the sofa.

Coming out? Already? No! Not yet. Why do I have to come out so soon?

“Ah … no … not yet. But no more dates … and no more Janice … ever!” I affirm.  
“Ok, that’s cool,” Joey says hunting around for the TV remote. 

I look up at the clock. It’s quarter past seven. Time to start getting ready for work. 

“Well, I’m having a shower,” I say and stomp off to the bathroom dramatically. 

In the bathroom I get a couple of aspirin from the cabinet and swallow them, I hope this headache gets better soon. Work is painful enough without a bloody hangover. Stepping into the shower I adjust the water temperature and get some shampoo ready to lather into my hair. Suddenly I’m aware of the door opening. For a horrible moment, I thought it might be Rachel, trying to get revenge by seeing my ‘pee-pee’. But it definitely wasn’t Rachel. Joey is standing right next to the shower looking at me. He’s naked and he’s semi-hard. Geez, this guy is insatiable.

“I missed you last night …” he said as he stepped into the shower alongside me.  
“Yeah?” I reply sceptically.  
“Yeah …” he says and then he’s kissing me. 

My angry mood instantly vanishes. All thoughts of last night, of Janice, of anything, are also gone. All I can focus on are his lips, his tongue, his hands.

“I’m sorry about Janice,” he said when we finally broke apart to resume washing.  
“I suppose you weren’t to know it was her,” I begrudgingly admitted.  
“Are you kidding? If I’d have known it was her I would have told you to run a mile. Did you really sleep with her?” he asked moving closer to me and rubbing liquid soap all over my body. 

Bloody hell that feels good. This guy has such a way with his hands.

“Not entirely … we were pretty drunk. I remember laying there while she did other stuff to me,” I said.  
“What about you? I take it you had a good night? What with the mousse …” I asked nervously.

Surprisingly, he actually makes a sour face.

“It wasn’t actually that great. It turns out that the mousse was not non-fat so she didn’t want to lick it all off me. I had to go wash it off in the shower … it was everywhere. Sort of killed the mood,” Joey said shuddering at the apparently bad memory. I smiled.  
“Good … serves you right,” I say jokingly.   
“Sorry mate. Hey, if it helps … it wasn’t just the mousse that turned me off…” he replied taking my cock in his soapy hand. 

I take a sharp intake of breath at the amazing sensation of his slippery hand massaging me.

“No?” I squeak.  
“No … I also couldn’t stop thinking about you,” Joey replied.  
“Oh, God … Joey …” I moan appreciatively, in reference to both his words and actions.   
_________

I dumped Janice after work, in Central Perk. Dumped her again… for the third time. Although for some reason she didn’t seem too worried or surprised. 

“Don't you know it yet? You love me, Chandler Bing,” Janice surmised after my rather callous let down.   
“Oh, no I don't,” I replied squeakily.   
“Well then ask yourself this. Why do you think we keep ending up together? New Year's? Who invited who? Valentine's? Who asked who into whose bed?” 

Oh God … is she right? No, I was just confused, lonely or drunk … or all three.

“I did, but …” I retort.   
“You seek me out. Something deep in your soul calls out to me like a foghorn. Janice, Janice. You want me. You need me. You can't live without me. And you know it. You just don't know you know it. See ya,” she said kissing me. 

Bloody hell. We’re kissing again. I’m actually kissing her back. What am I doing? 

“Call me…” I hear myself saying as she departs the coffee shop. 

Joey immediately jumps up from the nearby seat where he was observing this little exchange. 

“What is wrong with you man! Let her go. We’ve got better things to do,” he said taking my hand and guiding me home. I smile. I didn’t even care who sees us.


	7. Chapter 7

A week later I’m walking along the street outside my office, heading to the subway, and I realise I’m actually whistling. I stop at the newsstand that I visited back in November, this time to get some gum.

“Hey! How are you? You seem a bit happier today,” the attendant says with a wink.

I can’t believe he remembers me. Surely he must serve hundreds of people a day.

“I am … I got offered a promotion today… And I now have a boyfriend,” I said adding in the last bit purely for his benefit. 

I’m fairly proud of myself for confessing that to him. He’s the first person I’ve told, other than Joey of course. He is a total stranger though … so I don’t think it counts.

“Well good luck with the new job … and if what’s his name doesn’t work out for you, come see me,” he says with a wink. I smile. 

Good. Now I know I can make this quality work for me. Lowell clearly has no idea.

“Oh, I’m not taking the job. In fact, I just quit … no more data processing or supervising data processors for me,” I said taking the packet of gum.  
“Alright dude, good luck with the job hunting then.”

Something about the way he said that last statement made me panic. Job Hunting. Geez, I haven’t had to do that for ages. What am I going to do? I have absolutely no idea what sort of job I want. Fuck! I worry about this all through the subway ride to Christopher Street station. In fact, I almost missed the stop. I walk up the street towards Central Perk. I know everyone will be there. Maybe they can help me decide what sort of job I want.

Unfortunately, the rest of the gang are equally confused and worried about my decision to quit my job. All except for Phoebe, who for some reason seemed to think I’d make a good chef. But it did get me worried. I figured I’d better go register with an employment agency.  
___________

“My God! What happened to you?” Rachel asks as I burst into their apartment the next day carrying all my reports and testing papers.  
“Eight and a half hours of aptitude tests, intelligence tests, personality tests... and what do I learn?” I ask them rhetorically as I select one of the pieces of paper and read out the comments … “You are ideally suited for a career in data processing for a large multinational corporation," I say in an angry sarcastic tone.   
“That's so great! 'Cause you already know how to do that!” Phoebe says excitedly.  
“Can you believe it? I mean, don't I seem like somebody who should be doing something really cool? You know, I just always pictured myself doing... something.”  
“Oh Chandler, I know, I know,” Rachel says soothingly as she approaches me ... “Oh, hey! You know you can see your nipples through this shirt!” she then says, further killing me. 

All I can think of is I hope she can’t see the third one. I don’t feel like explaining my nubbin to the group today. Monica offers me food to try and cheer me up, but I’m in no mood to be sociable. I just say my goodbyes and head over to our apartment.  
Joey follows about ten minutes later. I figured he wouldn’t be too long. He finds me sprawled out on the sofa, staring up at the ceiling. 

“Hey, how about pizza?” he suggests.  
“Sure, whatever,” I reply half-heartedly.  
“Chandler, cheer up. We can watch Baywatch … it’s got half-naked Hasselhoff,” he tempts me. 

Not too long ago it would have been a reference to the scantily clad women on the show and comparing who filled out their bathing suit the best. Good old Joe … he’s trying. Time to cheer up I think to myself. Those stupid tests aren’t everything. If I don’t want to review the WENUS for the rest of my life I don’t have to. After dinner we end up in my room, kissing on the bed. Joey’s hands are wandering all over my body. He seductively circles my nipples, all three of them, with his fingers. Pausing to pinch each one gently. He then runs his hand down my abdomen towards my cock. 

“Hey … you shaved!” He exclaims suddenly. I was wondering how long he’d take to notice.  
“Yeah, I figured I’d better … it was a bit of a mess down there.”  
“Well it’s very nice now,” he said shifting his body so he can nuzzle me and lick my balls. I moan with pleasure.

Suddenly he’s not just licking my balls. Oh my God! That’s his tongue … in my… oh God! 

“Joey! What are you doing?” I exclaim in a tone that is somewhere between horror and pleasure.  
“Just relax … I’m preparing you,” he muttered before returning to what he was doing. 

Preparing me?… Geez, he means sex. We’re going to have sex. Here. Now. Together.

“Joey… I don’t know … are you sure?” I ask him.   
“I wouldn’t be doing this if I wasn’t,” he replies. He’s now reaching for the lube. 

Oh, God … lube … we’re going to need plenty of lube, I think to myself.

“Alright …” I consent. I lay back down against the pillows and try to relax, but it’s impossible. I grab my cock and fondle it slowly to distract myself as I watch him spread lube on his dick.   
“Shouldn’t you wear a condom?” I ask.  
“I can if you want. But I’ve worn one for every single sexual experience I have ever had, so I know I’m clean. Do you want me to?”

I shake my head. I trust him. Joey crawls towards me slowly, his cologne smells amazing. I feel terrified.

“How you ‘doin?” he suddenly asks me, and I burst out laughing. Instantly I feel more relaxed.  
“Sorry … you just looked so scared, I wanted to make you laugh,” he said smiling.  
“Well it worked, now come here and fuck me,” I said grabbing his neck and drawing him in for a passionate kiss.

After a moment I can feel him start to enter me. There is an intense pressure, stinging, followed by a feeling of fullness that I’ve never experienced before. Well, I have … but not like this. Almost reflexively I bear down in response to the sensation. 

“Ooh, geez … that felt good, do that again,” Joey said appreciatively. 

So I do and he moans again. I wiggle my hips a bit and get into a more comfortable position.

“Are you ready?” he asks.

Ready? For what? Isn’t he already in? We’re having sex, aren’t we? 

“Uh-huh,” I mumble. 

Suddenly he’s thrusting into me … fast and deep. My body feels like it’s on fire. I can feel him gliding in and out. With each inward thrust, he’s pushing against my prostate. My own dick seems to really like that, I’m getting waves of throbbing pleasure radiating up the shaft. It feels like I’m going to wet myself.

“Oh, God! Oh, God! Jesus Joey… just there … don’t stop,” I yell. 

I sound just like all those girls he brings home. Now I know why they were so vocal. I’ve lost control of my body. My hips seem to be bucking uncontrollably, my arms and legs are trembling, I’ve got sweat glistening against my forehead. 

Joey is lower now, I can feel his breath close to my face.

“You make me so hard Chandler, I love how tight you are, I’m going to make you scream,” he whispers in my ear. 

He’s talking dirty to me! Joey is talking dirty to me! I must reply … with something.

“Fuck me hard Joe, with that huge cock,” I mumble. 

This seems to do the trick. He’s suddenly thrusting even harder, whilst also kissing me. My lips greedily devour him and my tongue hungrily explores his mouth. The pressure is building up. I know I can’t last much longer. My dick is sandwiched up against Joey’s abdomen. I try to reach for it, but he pushes my hands away.   
Taking my cock in his hand, whilst still thrusting rhythmically. He massages the length expertly. That’s it, that’s me done. 

“Oh Joey, Oh … Oh …Oh … Aaahhh!” I scream as I cum everywhere. It’s all over his hand and all over me. 

But I don’t get a chance to relax, he’s still pounding into me. I look up at him. Now that he’s stopped massaging me he’s positioned both hands on the bed to steady himself. With a few last thrusts his eyes roll back and he groans deeply, muttering my name as he comes deep inside of me.


	8. Chapter 8

I don’t remember falling asleep that night. The last thing I recall is snuggling in his arms. We don’t say anything. We’re both spent.

The next morning the sound of my bedroom door opening wakes me up. I open my eyes but don’t move because I’m far too comfortable. I catch a glimpse of Joey’s bare ass leaving the room. Shortly after I hear the shower running. I snuggle down further into the bed, reminiscing. I feel so relaxed and a bit sore. But it’s nothing. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this content in my life. I nod off to sleep again. Ten minutes later my alarm goes off. I should have cancelled it. Not like I need to get up early anymore … I don’t have a job. I bang the clock until it stops.

A bit later Joey brings me a cup of coffee.

“Hey you,” he says placing the steaming mug on the bedside table.   
“Hi,” I whisper back, as we kiss.  
“I’ll let you have a lay-in, but I’ve got that audition to get to,” he said standing up.  
“Sure … thanks for the coffee. Good luck,” I say as he leaves.

Once he’s gone and the apartment is quiet I roll over and go back to sleep. I thoroughly enjoy having the day to myself. I have a bath. Read the rest of my book that I haven’t had a chance to finish before now. Go for a walk. Just as I’m getting back in from the walk the phone rings.

“I want you … on your bed … naked and hard in 20 minutes,” Joey’s voice says authoritatively before hanging up. 

Jesus … that was … very erotic. He’s going to have to do more of that. I do as he commands and this time the sex is different. He’s more authoritative. He talks dirty to me, whispering in my ear, asking me what I want and where I want it. We’re up against the wall at one point, me pressed up against his body, being pounded. Again, he doesn’t let me touch myself, he takes care of that. He’s very, very attentive. 

__________

Afterwards, we both collapse onto the bed, utterly spent.

“Um… Joey… what was that?” I ask.  
“Just something I thought we could try … did you like it?”  
“Uh-huh … I like you being … assertive.”  
“Good. I figured you are always looking after me, with the loans and the bills money and stuff … but I can do this … for you,” he reasons. 

Fair enough. I think this makes me the submissive. But that’s cool. I like bossy sex Joey.

The phone is ringing.

“I’ll get it,” Joey says hopping up.  
“Uh … if it’s for me … tell them I’m asleep,” I say.

I do indeed roll over and go to sleep after that. It’s been a lazy day today. When I wake up I can hear voices in the living room. Ross and Joey. It’s a bit hard to hear what they’re saying but one word is clear.

“Vulva?” Joey says. He sounds shocked and a bit disappointed. 

What on Earth are they talking about?

“Alright, I panicked, alright? She took me by surprise. You know, but it wasn't a total loss. I mean, we ended up cuddling,” Ross replied defensively.  
“Whoaa!! You cuddled? How many times??” Joey mocks.  
“Shut up! It was nice. I just... I don't think I'm the dirty-talking kind of guy, you know?”  
“What's the big deal? You just say what you want to do to her. Or what you want her to do to you. Or what you think other people might be doing to each other. I'll tell you what. Just try something on me,” Joey explains.

He’s teaching Ross how to talk dirty to women. Well, he is an expert.

“Please be kidding,” Ross replies in his deadpan manner.  
“Why not? Come on! Close your eyes and tell me what you'd like to be doing right now,” Joey says encouragingly. 

I decide that I need to see for myself. I hop out of bed and quickly start getting dressed, quietly.

“OK. I'm in my apartment...” Ross begins.  
“....yeah... what else?” Joey replies.  
“That's it. I'm in my apartment, you're not there, we're not having this conversation.”

Geez, he’s worse than me. No wonder his wife became a lesbian, I think to myself.

“Alright, look, I'll start, OK?” Joey says.  
“Joey, please,” Ross is almost pleading with him now. But Joey’s on a roll.  
“Come on. Come on. Alright, ready, look!” he starts … “Oh... Ross.... you get me so hot. I want your lips on me now!” he says in a low seductive voice.  
“Wow,” Ross says in amazement.

Yeah … wow is right. He’s basically just repeating what he said to me an hour ago.

“Alright, now you say something,” Joey says to Ross.  
“I... ahem... I really don't think so,” Ross replies, chickening out.  
“Come on! You like this woman, right?”  
“Yeah,”  
“You want to see her again, right?”  
“Sure,”  
“Well if you can't talk dirty to me, how're you going to talk dirty to her? Now tell me you want to caress my butt!” Joey commands.  
“OK, turn around,” Ross says … “I just don't want you staring at me when I'm doing this,” he continues.  
“Alright, alright. I'm around. Go ahead,” Joey says.  
“Ahem... I want.... OK, I want to... feel your... hot, soft skin with my lips,” Ross starts.  
“There you go! Keep going. Keep going!” Joey encourages.  
“I, er...” Ross trails off. 

I open my bedroom door and quietly walk out. Neither of them notices me. 

“I want to take my tongue... and...” Ross finishes.

This is awesome. I lean against the desk with a goofy smile on my face.

“....and....” Ross is at a loss for words.  
“Say it... say it!” Joey says urgently.  
“...run it all over your body until you're... trembling with... with...” Ross finally says.

Fuck, this is really hot. It’s starting to turn me on. Unfortunately, at this point I bump into the chair and they notice me. I grin at them.

“....with??” I say, trying to encourage Ross to finish his sentence. I know he won’t.  
“Funny story!” Ross says in his panicked rapid tone. He’s quite flustered. 

Joey is just smiling at me from behind Ross’ back. 

“It's OK. It's OK. I was always rooting for you two kids to get together,” I say light-heartedly.  
“Hey, Chandler, while you were sleeping that guy from your old job called again,” Joey says suddenly. Ross seems relieved that he’s changed the subject.  
“Again?” I ask. He’d already called me twice during the day.   
“And again, and again, and again...”

The phone rings. Joey walks over to answer it … 

“Hello?” he greets the caller before rolling his eyes ... “and again...” he says, handing me the phone.  
“Hey, Mr. Kostelic! How's life on the fifteenth floor?...” I say to my old boss.  
“Chandler! Come back … please … we need you!” Mr Kostelic pleads. He sounds desperate.   
“Yeah, I miss you too,” I reply.  
“You do …?” he starts hopefully before I cut him off.   
“Yeah, it's a lot less satisfying to steal pens from your own home, you know?...”  
“What? Look Chandler, if you come back … I’ll offer you $40,000.” This is $5,000 more than he offered my yesterday when he’d told me about the promotion.  
“Well, that's very generous... er, but look, this isn't about the money. I need something that's more than a job. I need something I can really care about....”  
“$42,000 then,” he offers.  
“And that's on top of the yearly bonus structure you mentioned earlier?...”  
“You’re killing me Chandler … $43,000 plus the $3,000 annual bonus,” he says.  
“Look, Al, Al... I'm not playing hardball here, OK? This is not a negotiation, this is a rejection!”  
“$44,000 plus the bonus,”  
“No! No! No, stop saying numbers! I'm telling you, you've got the wrong guy! You've got the wrong guy!”  
“Last offer $45,000 with a $5,000 bonus …” he tempts.  
“I'll see you on Monday!” I relent and hang up the phone. 

Ross and Joey are staring at me. 

With the bonus that’s a 100% increase on my old salary, and a $15,000 increase on my original new salary. Not a bad promotion. Not that they had heard anything about the figures. All they know is that apparently, I was going back to a job I hated. 

“Eh!” I just say and walk away from the phone, I’ll tell Joey the figures later.

Ross leaves shortly after. I approach Joey. I’m in a very good mood. 

“So that stuff you were saying to Ross…” I say.  
“That was nothing … I was just teaching him …” Joey says rushing to explain.  
“It’s OK … I liked it … you’re really good at that stuff.”  
“Am I aren’t I …” Joey says with a grin on his face.   
“Come and get me Joe,” I tempt him running towards his bedroom.

He doesn’t need any further encouragement.


	9. Chapter 9

After our little rendezvous, we’re laying on the bed, recovering. 

“Hey, Joe? I was wondering. Do you still intend to see other people … women?” I asked nervously. It’s something that has been bothering me all day. 

He’s quiet for a moment. Just when I think he’s not going to answer he does.

“No,” he states simply.  
“Good,” I reply, relieved.  
“But I want to tell the others … about us,” he said.

Oh, God. Why? Oh, I guess I know why. It’s not like it would be easy to hide. We’re all so close and all. Plus Joey hates keeping those sort of secrets. I gulp in anticipation for what I’m about to say.

“Alright,” I agree.  
“Really? You’re OK with that? I thought it would really freak you out,” he said confused.  
“Oh, don’t worry … I’m freaking out alright. But I know we have to … I mean they’re our friends and all.  
“No time like the present …” Joey said getting up and looking for his jeans.  
“I suppose so,” I say reluctantly also getting up.  
_________________

I have absolutely no idea how we’re going to start this conversation. I hope Joey does, although I seriously doubt it. Taking a deep breath I open the door to Monica and Rachel’s apartment.

Phoebe and Monica were sitting at the kitchen table having a drink of wine. Rachel and Ross were on the sofa, watching Jeopardy. Ross, of course, was yelling out the answers as he normally does.  
“Hey,” I say to everyone as I sit at the table. ‘  
“Mon, have you got any food? I’m starving,” Joey says going over to the fridge.  
“Yeah, there’s some spaghetti in the fridge … heat it for 2 minutes,” Monica replied.

Phoebe is looking at me strangely. 

“There’s something different about you,” she says eventually.  
“Yeah?” I ask.  
“Yeah, you look … happier,” she said.  
“Oh, yeah … we heard about you going back to your job. Did you get a pay rise or something?” Monica asked.  
“Oh that… yeah,” I said truthfully without going into details.  
“No … it’s not that … there’s something else,” Phoebe says. 

Suddenly she’s grinning like the Cheshire Cat and jumping up and down in her seat.

“Oooh, oooh … you had sex!” she exclaimed. I go bright red. 

Am I that easy to read? No, surely not. It’s just because it’s Phoebe, she’s good at reading people’s auras as she keeps telling us. I don’t deny it, rather I just smile coyly. 

“Well … spill … who was she? Do I know her?” Rachel asked coming over to the table and sitting down.  
“It wasn’t Janice again, was it?” Monica asked.  
“No, it definitely wasn’t Janice,” I replied.  
“So who … was she hot?” they both ask in unison. 

Phoebe is back to looking at me strangely. I take a deep breath.

“Well, _he_ is pretty hot …” I say with a slight inflection on the gender. Did they notice?

Phoebe breaks into another wide grin, she heard me. Monica is momentarily distracted by Joey who is opening the microwave and rattling dishes around, so she missed the reveal. Rachel was mid-sip of her wine, although her eyes appear to widen slightly so I think she heard me. Ross is still watching the TV, ignoring us all.

Phoebe opens her mouth to say something but is interrupted by Joey who comes over to the table with his bowl of spaghetti. It’s huge. Monica hops up and goes over to the bench to clean up Joey's mess, she's such a clean freak.

“This looks great Mon,” he says, sitting down in the seat she just vacated.  
“Geez, Joey … have you been working up an appetite or something? You've taken both serves!” Monica asks him.  
“Yeah … actually I have,” Joey replied as he started eating. I smile at him.

Phoebe looks from me to him and back to me again, then she smiles. She’s figured it out for sure.

“Chandler? Did you say _he_ just before?” Rachel asked me gently.  
“What?!?” Monica exclaimed loudly spinning around to look over at the table. Even Ross can’t ignore this … he’s muted the TV and is leaning over the back of the sofa.  
“I did … hey you know how you all thought I had a ‘quality’ a few months ago?” I ventured. It actually wasn’t that hard to say this stuff. I’m not sure what I was so worried about.  
“You had sex with Joey!” Phoebe exclaimed. 

Rachel literally falls off her chair at this point. Wine goes everywhere. Ross seems to be frozen in place, stunned. Monica rushes to get a dishcloth to clean the mess. Joey just continues to eat his spaghetti. Great help he’s being.

“Well … yeah. We’re sort of together now,” I say simply, but I’m smiling. 

They all stare at me, although Phoebe is grinning and nodding at the same time. 

“You two? Really?” Monica asks looking at us in amazement.  
“When?” Rachel asks. She’s recovered from her tumble and is now standing over by the sofa next to where Ross is sitting … still frozen.  
“Look … it’s all quite new. Since just before Valentine's Day, we’re just seeing what happens,” I said. 

I’m not sure how much Joey wants to commit to this relationship, or if we’re referring to each other as boyfriends or anything. We probably should have discussed it.

“But … but … you’re not gay … all those women? Oh my God! You were just talking dirty to me?” Ross blathers from the sofa. He’s looking at Joey. We all look over at him. Of course, it would be Ross who takes this the hardest.

Joey just shrugged.

“Yeah … well, that’s all over now, I love Chandler. And I wasn’t talking dirty to _you_ ... I was recalling stuff I said to _him_ ,” Joey says casually, gesturing towards me.

Five faces all stare at Joey. Even me. Oh, God … he just said he loves me!

“You … you love me?” I stutter.

He’s still eating. Typical Joey, nothing gets in the way of him and his food.

“Yeah … didn’t you know that?” he asked as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Everyone is silent, which is exceedingly rare for our little group. I think they’re all waiting for me to say something. Fuck! What am I supposed to say? I mean, of course, I love him. There’s no question about that. But I’ve never, ever, declared that I love anyone. I have no idea how to start.

“I love you too,” I hear myself saying. Four simple words. The most important words I’ve ever said, yet surprisingly easy to actually say. 

I feel a huge weight lift off my shoulders at the realisation that I just came out, to my friends, and also just declared my love for Joey. Even he seems a bit shocked at the fact that I said it so easily. 

He actually stops eating. Standing up, he rounds the table to where I’m sitting and takes my hand pulling me into a standing position. Then he kisses me. I'm so happy that I don't even care that he tastes like spaghetti.

“Ah … you guys! Congratulations!” Phoebe exclaims excitedly clapping her hands.  
“Yeah … congratulations,” Monica and Phoebe parrot in unison. 

Joey and I are barely listening to them. We’re too absorbed in each other.

“Hey Ross, help me open this bottle of champagne will you?” I hear Monica say as Joey and I pull apart and look at the others.  
“Um … ah … yeah … OK,” Ross mumbles hopping off the sofa. He and Monica busy themselves in the kitchen, she appears to be whispering something to him.

There is a pop as the champagne cork goes flying and Monica and Rachel get the glasses ready. Ross approaches us.

“Hey … I’m sorry for my reaction just then. Congratulations guys,” he says shaking Joey’s hand. 

He then holds his hand out to shake mine, but instead, I just pull him into a hug. It just feels like the right thing to do in the moment. He’s a bit stiff at first but then I feel his body relax and he returns the hug warmly.  
“I’m happy for you Chandler … you deserve this,” he says softly. I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who hears him.  
“Thanks, man …” I say back.  
“Come on … enough bloody hugging and kissing and stuff … let’s have a toast! To Joey and Chandler!” Monica yells.

We all pick up our glasses from the table.

“To Joey and Chandler!” The others all respond.

Joey looks over at me and I look back at him. We smile. Yep … I love him. What an amazing few months this has been. 

The End.


End file.
